We might be the Clampet's

I can't remember if I posted about this already - so if I did, pretend like you didn't read it, okay? Great.




We have a squirrel problem.  It's been happening for a while now - they squirrels are taking over our lawn, our neighbors lawn and the rest of the forest we call the Trolley Trail. They've been driving Tony to the point of "Christmas Vacation" insanity - if he had a chainsaw it's be all Texas Chainsaw Massacre up in the Waldo hood. Except there aren't cheerleaders....I've actually never seen that movie, so we'll just pretend that's what its about.

Some things that the squirrels are doing to drive Tony batty:
-Tearing up he new seeded spots on the lawn - well, when it was warmer
-Mocking Tyson (I secretly think they start going, Hey dude, bet you can't catch me - in their Alvin & the Chipmunk voices (obviously after their daily vocal warm ups) to him when he's outside)
-They ate my pumpkins - yes, the small tiny ones that I actually used to decorate the outside of the house with for fall - I would also like to think they made the mums die that my mom brought over, but....that was me...whoops.

Oh and Tony thinks they are mocking him as well.  Just staring at Tony while he yells at them before the waggle their tails and jump back into the trees. Yes, squirrels do waggle their tails, it's odd, but when you do enough squirrel investigating like T and I do - you'll learn to know these things. We've gone all National Geographic this year....soon we'll be talking about the mating habits of foxes.

To combat these rodents, Tony decided it was time to get a BB Gun. And yes, there are times I'm worried he'll shoot his eye out....the man was once stabbed by a piece of a mirror, he's almost as clumsy as I am (don't tell him I said that).  So he got one that looked like a gangsta gun, and I'm pretty sure our neighbors would be calling the police after seeing him point this thing. Luckily, Unfortunately, it didn't work.  Back to square one or rather asking his brother if he had a BB gun.  Of course he did - and not just a BB gun, a huge rifle style one that looks like Tony's ready to do some gun-slinging and chase off the bandits. 

After a minor mishap with pellets - apparently they are different sizes - and I don't if the ammo is actually called pellets - that might be what hamsters leave as droppings, either way they look like shiny hamster droppings - Tony was able to utilize he BB Gun. And I got this phone call:

T: "Babe, I totally gone one!"
Me: "What? Why:? Did you kill it? Do we have dead squirrel on our front lawn? Did it bleed? We're now known as squirrel killers and PETA's coming after us!"
T: "No, I just nicked it in the leg, it ran off."
Me: "Great, so now we have a gimp squirrel running around and his family is going to come after us. Wait, did you get Anderson Cooper Squirrel (a white albino/graying squirrel)? I feel bad for that squirrel family now."
T: "No, it wasn't Anderson.  Don't feel bad, they're tearing up my lawn!"
Me: "Ugh, we're squirrel killers. Why couldn't you just shoot at it's feet and make it dance?"
T: "It's fine, they won't be coming back again."

And if you're wondering, yes Tony does work, he was home between meetings and what I can only imagine looked ridiculous in his dress clothes, a huge rifle and leaves being blown up.  I hope all of our neighbors saw him.

Thinking he was done, I was hoping the gun would go away - sadly, it's still propped up against he wall by the back door.  It was by the front door by our shoes, like it's normal to have a gun by your front door.

However, Tony wasn't done getting the squirrels.  Apparently another one was asking for it the other day - he was sitting on our fence and Tony got him. He seemed a little too excited about his shooting - saying he knocked it off the fence and it jumped up and fell back down into the pile of leaves. Ugh. And yes, he shot it from the front yard into the back....this time he was in workout clothes, so maybe a little less ghetto? No?

The bonus is that I haven't seen any squirrels in our yard lately.  However I'm thinking they are starting to plot against us and just waiting for the moment to attack. Until then, we'll be holed up in our house waiting for the squirrels. If Tony starts to sit out on the front porch rocking until they show up, someone help me. Or buy him a bright orange hat for Christmas so he can really feel like a hunter.

Hopefully we'll hit oil soon - we need to move out of squirrel zone.  Johnson County doesn't have any squirrels? Do they?

There are no words

There really are no words for this video - other than amazing and I that Tyson and I are going to be practicing until Cinco de Mayo.

Just the brows?

I'm not one to hide the fact that I have hair.  Obviously on my head, but I also have crazy eyebrows that get a little out of control every few weeks.  And since I've inherited this problem, and my brothers have lovingly informed of my unibrow - although I would like to say that I made sure I took care of that about 6th Grade.  It was also the time that I had braces, glasses and started to get curly, pryamid hair - yes, I was a beauty in 6th Grade.

But my sister-in-law was a life-saver and told me all about her eye brow lady.  After being a plucking queen throughout college, I finally went.  Too say that I'm hooked would be an understatement.  Although I did enjoy the times my friends Alison and Katie would help me manicure my eyebrows on the floors of the college dorms, I've matured a little in the skin care regimen.

Frida made it cool....but she's Spanish....so she had no choice. 

Source

 As much as I love to go and get my brows done, I try to spread out my appointments as much as possible, brow lady ain't cheap.  I can always tell when its time to go when I get tired to doing maintaince plucking and when my husband lovlingly says, "Wow babe, you should really do something about those suckers."

The bonus is he usually tells me this as we are hugging, so I "lovingly" punch him in the gut.  While I don't promote violence, I feel that this "love tap" is fair and square and only to be done when your spouse gives you a backwards compliment.  I would also recommend that these "love taps" don't go the other way - it is these times when you claim that you are a dainty flower.....and smack back and run.

Okay, digressing.....so yesterday was my eyebrow appointment. It's probably my favorite appointment, other than my nails, but I probably like it more than my nails since usually I feel like I am being talked about while my cuticles are being clipped. 

While at my appointment, there's always one question that I fear before closing my eyes.

Eyebrow Guru: "Just the brows today?"

Um.....what? "Yes, just brows."

And meanwhile in my head....I mean, yeah that's all I came here for....does she think I need to get something else done? Oh my gosh do I have other facial hair that my friends aren't telling me about? I mean my family is pretty blunt about things being on my face, but I haven't seen them in a while (yes, I did miss family dinner this week).  Ugh, what if I have to start waxing my upper lip....does she think I need that? Should I wax something else...would it leave me with a red mark on my face? I can't wax my lip....that's what really hairy people do....well I guess it's kind of normal, maybe next time. Do I have to schedule that out when I make my next appointment, does she need more time? What would the receptionist say if I asked for a brow wax and lip....would they judge? I probably would judge and wait for the person to come in because I made a note on their appointment that they are a hairy monkey.

Eyebrow Guru: "Okay, all done."

"Okay, thanks see you next time!"

Yes, it is scary to be in my head....and it's going to happen all over again in four weeks.

My, that was bouncy

I realized that I haven't posted in a while.  Forgive me blog, for I have skipped. And my sister informed me that I've been slacking.  So I'm posting now. While I probably have a few things to update my "readers" on, this thought was on my mind today and I figured you all would enjoy it as well.

Well, I guess I should back up a little bit.  A few weeks ago I began a 12 week bootcamp through my workout class. It was time for me really to kick my own booty and I was not doing it only a few days a week by myself.  So I signed up and have been pushed out of my comfort zone, felt like I was a contestant in the biggest loser and have never been more tired.  We're working out twice a day - yes, twice a day - and three times a week together.  Every week I have 12 workouts to do - and I've been doing okay with them. I've missed a few here and there - and after this weekend, I definitely failed on the scale this week - but I'm determined, especially since my group can see my progress.  Talk about a slap to reality.....wait, that didn't make sense.  I mean, talk about a slap to the face. Better?

So I'm working out, I'm watching - very almost ocd watching what I eat - and I'm going to bed at 9:30 pm.  Oh yes, I'm going granny style and waking up at 5 am.  Surprisingly, not too bad.  What's the bigger shocker? I've prepared my meals, my coffee and my PM workout bag all the night before.

I know - my parents are probably reading this with their mouths open, because I'm pretty sure they tried 10 years to get me to do that before school. While it never worked then, I'm doing it now - or at least I'm trying to do that, and today was an exception.

While I did make prepare my bag last night, I was also getting my clothes ready for the morning workout.  Somewhere in between I apparently counted the wrong items.  Yes, while I did pack a sweatshirt, t-shirt, tank tops, shorts and leggings - there is one thing I completely forgot.

A sports bra.

And while I like my sports bras, I have come to love them - and appreciate all their support.  So much for my treadmill run, things would get a little uncomfortable. I don't think the pre-pubescent baseball players really need to get a Baywatch style scary jiggly, Ghostbuster marshmallow man view.

Seeing how I didn't want to frighten the baseball players - I chose to do a different style workout a really hard walking incline.  Luckily the jiggling was mostly in the back.

After this workout, I'm going to start packing an extra sports bra in my car and maybe in my purse.

Or maybe I should just start wearing them to work. Would that be weird if I had uniboob all day long?

PS. Do not Google images of Uniboob. Instead, enjoy this picture of a puppy boxer who looks almost exactly like Tyson.

Source 

All that for what?

Okay so obviously I have not been great about updating on my health concerns.  Bonus, I'm still alive - and have been eating salads! But I suppose I should update you all on what has led to my new found excitement for salads.  This is fair warning - this might be TMI for some and for others a chance to laugh at me...I fully understand that this is no "laughing with me" moment; this is full on pointing and laughing.

After the fun day at the ER, a great time at the doctors office the next day with x-rays and blood tests, I got the call a few days later. You will need a colonoscopy.

Seriously? Isn't that what 50 year olds get for their cancer prevention tests? I'm 28 - I'm way to young for that, um, pleasant test to happen.  Apparently this was the only way to really see what is going on in my insides.  My month of October is looking awesome.

The test is scheduled, the "products" I needed to prep was sent over and Tony was going to be out of town. Yes, out of town.  His wife has to get a camera put in her hindside and he was going to be in Vegas.  Are you feeling sorry for me? Cause I am hoping to get some sympathy votes today.  I shouldn't say he was in Vegas just for fun - but he did have to bring home the bacon.  He also lost some of the bacon on slots.  I don't know why has hasn't learned that mama needs that bacon to buy new shoes!

Luckily I have great family who drop a lot of things to be there for each other - and that lucky person to drop everything was dear old Dad.  Although he was sure to let me know he was missing luncheon and they were supposed to have great desserts.  Little did he know that I had leftover cake balls from that shower I was planning on throwing.

While I won't get into details about the whole prepping - I will say the following: People don't lie about it, it really does suck; I never want to drink lemon-lime Gatorade for a long time; I might have been slightly emotional (read: crying, tears, pissed) with Tony while he was away in Vegas.

I will also say that I could never be that person who could do an all liquid diet. Not only is it miserable, but the act of chewing should never be taken for granted.

Moving on - no pun intended - the big day was here. Tyson and I packed up our stuff - cause if this girl was going to be out, there would be no letting Tyson in and out 73 times a day - and we were headed over to my parents and on to the GI doctor.

I'm not sure it was nerves, fears, or knowing the unknown about what was going to happen, but I felt like I needed to clinch my butt cheeks together all morning.  Of course that could also be because I wanted to clinch my butt cheeks together the night before.

Walking into the appointment looking around at the other patients, I cannot begin to tell you the looks I got from the nurses  - what the heck is wrong with this girl and why is she getting this done to her? I would like to think that they thought I was like 18, but that ring on my finger gave it away.  And realistically they probably were wondering who the guy was with me - I made sure to say "Dad' as often and as loud as I could. I didn't want him to be judged.

Can I just say that I've never been asked so many times if I was pregnant or I thought I could be pregnant during this whole process. At first I thought my mom and mothers-in-law had gotten to these nurses to put on the pressure - but then I realized what I was about to go through and those were typical questions.

But another question I was asked if I was in fear at home or being abused.  After saying no, quickly and with authority, I rolled up my sleeve to get my IV and remembered that I had this on my arm:

Yes - those would be two large scratches on my arm from the dog after being gone for a weekend. Quickly I told the nurse that I had a dog - luckily for she had a boxer as well and understood. Phew.

From there, it went pretty quick. I had to put on a gown, get an IV put in my wrist and then got wheeled away. And let me just tell you, those drugs not only work quickly but amazing. So what I thought was 10 minutes - maybe, actually turned into an hour, and I was back in my little room - staring at my Dad, who was laughing at me while the nurse was waking up.  Immediately I went back to grade school where I was being woken up for school.

And that's when I was told I was given prophynel. Oh yes - the Michael Jackson drug.  Later my mom told me it would have been great if I got up and did the Thriller dance. Obviously it would be more like PYT than Thriller - I don't do zombies.

Okay - so before leaving I had to accomplish a task.  I had to pass gas. Yep - gas in front of my dad - in a nightgown thing while on drugs. Of course this brought back memories of what I told my friend Katie my most embarrassing moment was: farting in front of my family.  Silly me - I'm not sure why that was so embarrassing - of course Katie still makes fun of me to this day.

After that mission was accomplished - off we went to rest and relax. And watch the Kardashian's wedding pallooza, with my Dad.  Yes - he watched to and our conversation went like this:

Dad: Why am I watching this?
Dad: That Klohe sister isn't that pretty.
Me: Really? She's just taller than the others.
Dad: Wow, that's a really bad facelift on Bruce.
Dad: Why am I still watching this?
Dad: That Kim is really pretty.

No lie. This seriously happened. He left for a bit - and big shocker, it was still going on, and yes, he sat down and watched it again. And then my mom came home and she got hooked. This is what happens when I get my parents hooked on E! - its amazing.

I apologize - this is getting really long, but this is what happens when I watch TV and blog. ADD at it's finest.

But anyway - we're two weeks out from the big colonoscopy and although they took  a couple biopsies, results came out normal.  Yes.  All of that work for a normal result.  Of  course I'm very happy with the results, while I wish something could have been figured out - its been an amazing two weeks of salads. Did I tell you how much I missed salads while I was out of commission?

That's where were are - of course my month got even better when I went to the dentist for a cleaning and a tooth ache. And now I get to have a root canal....on Halloween.  Amazing. This is my life.

Hopefully my Dad won't have to take me to get that procedure.  Or if it does, let's hope that there is a great Kardashian marathon on.

 

Fat Talk Free Week

So I saw this today on one of the blogs I read. What first caught my attention was my sorority's name - I'm a sorority girl until the day I die, yes...call me Suzy Sorority, but I made some of my best friends while singing songs, giving handshakes, and wearing t-shirts with big bold Tri Deltas on them.

Seeing this made me happy to be a part of something so great - mock if you will, but I am one to know that I fall into the category of Fat Talk. Tony deals with it almost daily - unless I really work out, then I just want him to tell him how great my butt looks (sorry Dad). Watch this video, and although this specific week is over, maybe it can transfer over into the rest of the month, maybe the rest of the year.

I promise I have updates on my health - and will update those soon - and be a little more light hearted.

(P.S. I'm not sure why is posted twice. Apparently I really want you to watch this) (source)

That Could be an Episode of Grey's Anatomy

It's been an interesting week. I should probably start with a recap of the weekend, so you can understand the full concept of what all happened Sunday.

I was planning a baby shower for my sister-in-law (on Tony's side), cleaning, buying groceries, making Tony crazy with my requests, and rolling balls. Cake balls, that is.

All was good - I had the house decorated, cleaned, food ready and prepared for everyone to cram into our house.  I even had my parents bring over plants, pumpkins and other items needed for that next day. Yes, they are awesome...not only do they provide me with supplies, but my mom knows how many plants I could destroy in a matter of minutes, so she prepares for that.

Long story short, I was ready to throw this shindig. So in celebration of my party-readiness, we went out for drinks for a friends 30th birthday.  Multiple wings were eaten and two beers consumed.  I'm numbering my adult beverages because I would like all of you to know I'm not always a lush, and I can control my drinking....when it comes to beer.

So after going home at a decent hour and preparing a checklist of what to do the next day, I was shocked when I woke up at 6:30 am with pains that not even pregnant ladies should feel when they are birthing children.

While cramping up, and breathing lamaze style for a few hours, we made the decision that it was in fact not constipation (TMI?) and that a trip to the emergency room was in store.

Awesome. We crossed our fingers for a small wait and quick relief.

Neither really happened...so we waited.....and waited...and some of us cramped up multiple times.  The doctor came in and told us it was probably a lot of gas.

Really? Gas? You're telling me that I feel like crap because I have gas? Oh no, no, doctor, that is not gas. Tony joked that this would make a really good episode of Grey's Anatomy.  Yes, darling, because right now all I want to think about is how I would make that awkward patient that had gas instead of something really wrong.

So we think you have gas.

But the pain kept coming like that annoying train in Olathe. So we pushed on and asked for more tests.  On came the tubes for blood and finally something seemed odd enough to look into getting a CT. This Grey's episode kept getting better.

While waiting for the CT, the pains came and Tony stood by my side, telling me to breath and holding my hand. And we both realized that this was preparation for childbirth.  I have a feeling I may be yelling more expletives at that moment. 

We're going to be ready for this baby thing in no time!

Finally relief came after the CT scans came back.  Well, relief for some, my pain was still going on. But they found some inflammation in my intestine.  Which then led to the words: colonoscopy.

What?? No...no sir...I am not having anything in my rear until I'm at least 50.  That's what's supposed to happen! 

Ugh.  After hearing those dreadful words, more x-rays and blood work, I now have to follow up with a GI doctor to figure out what the heck is going on.  And until then, my diet consists of the BRATT diet...in other words, bananas, rice, applesauce, tea and toast.  And since my texture issues come into play, it's pretty much been toast and water this week. And soup - I forgot that I was cleared for soup.

Just give me some cheese! Make me a sandwich!

I've never wanted a salad more in all of my life. But this girl can't have any roughage. Awesome. 

So we wait. Wait for doctors, wait for stress levels to go down, and wait until I can have an actual meal. At least my CT scan would have made a better episode than just gas.