Sunday, October 23, 2011

All that for what?

Okay so obviously I have not been great about updating on my health concerns.  Bonus, I'm still alive - and have been eating salads! But I suppose I should update you all on what has led to my new found excitement for salads.  This is fair warning - this might be TMI for some and for others a chance to laugh at me...I fully understand that this is no "laughing with me" moment; this is full on pointing and laughing.

After the fun day at the ER, a great time at the doctors office the next day with x-rays and blood tests, I got the call a few days later. You will need a colonoscopy.

Seriously? Isn't that what 50 year olds get for their cancer prevention tests? I'm 28 - I'm way to young for that, um, pleasant test to happen.  Apparently this was the only way to really see what is going on in my insides.  My month of October is looking awesome.

The test is scheduled, the "products" I needed to prep was sent over and Tony was going to be out of town. Yes, out of town.  His wife has to get a camera put in her hindside and he was going to be in Vegas.  Are you feeling sorry for me? Cause I am hoping to get some sympathy votes today.  I shouldn't say he was in Vegas just for fun - but he did have to bring home the bacon.  He also lost some of the bacon on slots.  I don't know why has hasn't learned that mama needs that bacon to buy new shoes!

Luckily I have great family who drop a lot of things to be there for each other - and that lucky person to drop everything was dear old Dad.  Although he was sure to let me know he was missing luncheon and they were supposed to have great desserts.  Little did he know that I had leftover cake balls from that shower I was planning on throwing.

While I won't get into details about the whole prepping - I will say the following: People don't lie about it, it really does suck; I never want to drink lemon-lime Gatorade for a long time; I might have been slightly emotional (read: crying, tears, pissed) with Tony while he was away in Vegas.

I will also say that I could never be that person who could do an all liquid diet. Not only is it miserable, but the act of chewing should never be taken for granted.

Moving on - no pun intended - the big day was here. Tyson and I packed up our stuff - cause if this girl was going to be out, there would be no letting Tyson in and out 73 times a day - and we were headed over to my parents and on to the GI doctor.

I'm not sure it was nerves, fears, or knowing the unknown about what was going to happen, but I felt like I needed to clinch my butt cheeks together all morning.  Of course that could also be because I wanted to clinch my butt cheeks together the night before.

Walking into the appointment looking around at the other patients, I cannot begin to tell you the looks I got from the nurses  - what the heck is wrong with this girl and why is she getting this done to her? I would like to think that they thought I was like 18, but that ring on my finger gave it away.  And realistically they probably were wondering who the guy was with me - I made sure to say "Dad' as often and as loud as I could. I didn't want him to be judged.

Can I just say that I've never been asked so many times if I was pregnant or I thought I could be pregnant during this whole process. At first I thought my mom and mothers-in-law had gotten to these nurses to put on the pressure - but then I realized what I was about to go through and those were typical questions.

But another question I was asked if I was in fear at home or being abused.  After saying no, quickly and with authority, I rolled up my sleeve to get my IV and remembered that I had this on my arm:

Yes - those would be two large scratches on my arm from the dog after being gone for a weekend. Quickly I told the nurse that I had a dog - luckily for she had a boxer as well and understood. Phew.

From there, it went pretty quick. I had to put on a gown, get an IV put in my wrist and then got wheeled away. And let me just tell you, those drugs not only work quickly but amazing. So what I thought was 10 minutes - maybe, actually turned into an hour, and I was back in my little room - staring at my Dad, who was laughing at me while the nurse was waking up.  Immediately I went back to grade school where I was being woken up for school.

And that's when I was told I was given prophynel. Oh yes - the Michael Jackson drug.  Later my mom told me it would have been great if I got up and did the Thriller dance. Obviously it would be more like PYT than Thriller - I don't do zombies.

Okay - so before leaving I had to accomplish a task.  I had to pass gas. Yep - gas in front of my dad - in a nightgown thing while on drugs. Of course this brought back memories of what I told my friend Katie my most embarrassing moment was: farting in front of my family.  Silly me - I'm not sure why that was so embarrassing - of course Katie still makes fun of me to this day.

After that mission was accomplished - off we went to rest and relax. And watch the Kardashian's wedding pallooza, with my Dad.  Yes - he watched to and our conversation went like this:

Dad: Why am I watching this?
Dad: That Klohe sister isn't that pretty.
Me: Really? She's just taller than the others.
Dad: Wow, that's a really bad facelift on Bruce.
Dad: Why am I still watching this?
Dad: That Kim is really pretty.

No lie. This seriously happened. He left for a bit - and big shocker, it was still going on, and yes, he sat down and watched it again. And then my mom came home and she got hooked. This is what happens when I get my parents hooked on E! - its amazing.

I apologize - this is getting really long, but this is what happens when I watch TV and blog. ADD at it's finest.

But anyway - we're two weeks out from the big colonoscopy and although they took  a couple biopsies, results came out normal.  Yes.  All of that work for a normal result.  Of  course I'm very happy with the results, while I wish something could have been figured out - its been an amazing two weeks of salads. Did I tell you how much I missed salads while I was out of commission?

That's where were are - of course my month got even better when I went to the dentist for a cleaning and a tooth ache. And now I get to have a root canal....on Halloween.  Amazing. This is my life.

Hopefully my Dad won't have to take me to get that procedure.  Or if it does, let's hope that there is a great Kardashian marathon on.


1 comment:

  1. Bah! Farting in front of your brothers...gaw! I fart in front of the cashier at the grocery store;)
    Glad to know your dad was creeping on the Kardashians! Oh Keith!!!