Tuesday, April 5, 2011

How to Make a Trip More Interesting

College roommates - I see some have shrunken since then....ie girl on far right. Dang it.
Step 1. Travel with Jennifer.

Yep. This girl has a travel reputation a mile or two long....and she knows it. So all who travel with her know to add at least 90 minutes to the scheduled pick up time...for Jen. However just because she might always be the late one, doesn't mean she cause you to run on the plane.

Oh yes. Our weekend began by running onto the already boarded plane. But first someone had to get stuck in security....i.e. me. I blame Katie for my cute Stella & Dot bracelets for causing to be flagged in the security line, but I digress. Why were we running to catch our first flight? Well, let's just say we are not great at listening for the boarding call....and we would rather drink our Starbucks and enjoy the people watching that happens at KCI - hence the running on the plane.

And one would think that would be enough for one weekend trip. But oh no. While traveling with Jen, I've also learned that she dislikes the elderly. After running on the plane, I spot her toward the back of the plane, trying to save us a couple of seats, and using big hand gestures that might make others think she was directing the plane, but she obviously was missing some large orange sticks. Obviously she was trying to direct an elderly couple who didn't grasp the concept of saving seats to the completely empty row across from the aisle she was currently standing in.....but apparently this couple only enjoys row 28 on the right side of the plane.

And instead of taking the completely empty row, only the wife chose to sit next to Jen. Leaving the husband to finally take the middle seat behind our row. Which led to Jen hating the elderly.

When I finally sat down, the elderly man decided to talk smack to us. Oblivious to what had just taken place, a bystander would think that Jen had decided to body slam the couple into the cargo area of the plane. Or at least, pound them like they were a piece of chicken.

Instead, Jen had tried to nicely inform them that her friend was just stuck in security and was arriving soon and just needed one seat. Leading to Jen hating the elderly.

Of course to add to Jen's hatred - we were also lucky to get the evil eye from them as we saw them in the terminal of Oklahoma City and on our next flight. Luckily for Jen, we were able to sit far away from them on our next flight.

So for those of you who may have to travel with Jen in the future, please beware of her lateness and hatred for the elderly. Keep her away from all of those with hearing aids and walking canes.
See that fist? It does damage.

Step 2. Make sure the waitress gives your preggo friend the non-alcoholic drink.

It's been brought to my attention that my friends and I cannot figure out the difference between an alcoholic and non-alcoholic drink. Which is not great for our friends who are carrying children and just want a fruity cocktail.

Make sure you have preggo take pictures by herself.
While at dinner, our waitress at the sushi restaurant decided that Sara's belly was just full of beer and she wanted a full glass of coconut rum. This waitress also took our credit cards away for 45 minutes, so I don't think she was all that competent in the first place.

However, apparently a virgin strawberry daiquiri doesn't exist in her vocabulary. And after three of us tried this "virgin" drink - apparently we are all lushes and really enjoy a strawberry daiquiri. And big balls of liquor, get your mind out of the gutter.....cherry's full of liquor are delicious and dangerous.

Don't worry Chris, we made sure Sara's actual drink has zero amount of liquor in it - and gave the balls of liquor to Jen.

Step 3. Thank God your road rage friend has sturdy seat belts in her car.

I would say that I have moderate to average road rage. I would also say that Kansas City is a pretty easy and non-threatening place to drive and contain that rage. That said, I would times my road rage by 72 for Lauren.

It's really nothing new - all who ride with her have seen this rage. In one instance where we took a major road dip in Manhattan, I do believe the phrase, "Jimminy Christmas, Lauren!" was used by her now husband.

So it's not a huge surprise that after spending some time in the large metropolis of Houston that such rage has increased. By 34. Which is one reason I let Jen enjoy the front seat. Lauren, I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but I might have feared for my life for a moment or two this weekend. The better news, is that your seat belts in your backseat have a great locking system.

You also owe $57.29 to Tony's shave fund.

Step 4. Don't trust weather.com.

Apparently they are teasing when they say it's supposed to be 82 and sunny while you are on vacation in Houston. Or maybe you read it wrong and Kansas City was supposed to have that weather while you had 79 and overcast.

Also - they are need cameras when letting you know if you have cloud cover or not. I don't know how weather.com decides what "cloudy" really is when giving the forecast, but let's just say they are wrong.

Attention weather.com - the girl on the right needs the sun.
Step 5. Try on multiple items at Nordstrom Rack.

And finally Step 6. Be sure to travel Southwest.

But please beware when they decide to "inspect" all their planes due to a large gaping hole in the roof.

Also - after this minor incident - be sure to let your parents know when you land. Especially since you texted them when you took off, but forgot to text them when you land. You may be married now, but you will probably still keep them up at night wondering if you are just circling Kansas City to land.

So there we have it.....some simple steps to make a trip to Houston more interesting. While I would not advise anyone to really use these steps as a guide, I would be a big proponent of using these of a how to not.

Oh and be sure to take 1 of 2 pictures actually at the airport
Thanks to our great hosts in Houston - we had a great time and are glad to see you are having fun in that new city of yours!  See you soon!

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