Monday, November 21, 2011

We might be the Clampet's

I can't remember if I posted about this already - so if I did, pretend like you didn't read it, okay? Great.

We have a squirrel problem.  It's been happening for a while now - they squirrels are taking over our lawn, our neighbors lawn and the rest of the forest we call the Trolley Trail. They've been driving Tony to the point of "Christmas Vacation" insanity - if he had a chainsaw it's be all Texas Chainsaw Massacre up in the Waldo hood. Except there aren't cheerleaders....I've actually never seen that movie, so we'll just pretend that's what its about.

Some things that the squirrels are doing to drive Tony batty:
-Tearing up he new seeded spots on the lawn - well, when it was warmer
-Mocking Tyson (I secretly think they start going, Hey dude, bet you can't catch me - in their Alvin & the Chipmunk voices (obviously after their daily vocal warm ups) to him when he's outside)
-They ate my pumpkins - yes, the small tiny ones that I actually used to decorate the outside of the house with for fall - I would also like to think they made the mums die that my mom brought over, but....that was me...whoops.

Oh and Tony thinks they are mocking him as well.  Just staring at Tony while he yells at them before the waggle their tails and jump back into the trees. Yes, squirrels do waggle their tails, it's odd, but when you do enough squirrel investigating like T and I do - you'll learn to know these things. We've gone all National Geographic this year....soon we'll be talking about the mating habits of foxes.

To combat these rodents, Tony decided it was time to get a BB Gun. And yes, there are times I'm worried he'll shoot his eye out....the man was once stabbed by a piece of a mirror, he's almost as clumsy as I am (don't tell him I said that).  So he got one that looked like a gangsta gun, and I'm pretty sure our neighbors would be calling the police after seeing him point this thing. Luckily, Unfortunately, it didn't work.  Back to square one or rather asking his brother if he had a BB gun.  Of course he did - and not just a BB gun, a huge rifle style one that looks like Tony's ready to do some gun-slinging and chase off the bandits. 

After a minor mishap with pellets - apparently they are different sizes - and I don't if the ammo is actually called pellets - that might be what hamsters leave as droppings, either way they look like shiny hamster droppings - Tony was able to utilize he BB Gun. And I got this phone call:

T: "Babe, I totally gone one!"
Me: "What? Why:? Did you kill it? Do we have dead squirrel on our front lawn? Did it bleed? We're now known as squirrel killers and PETA's coming after us!"
T: "No, I just nicked it in the leg, it ran off."
Me: "Great, so now we have a gimp squirrel running around and his family is going to come after us. Wait, did you get Anderson Cooper Squirrel (a white albino/graying squirrel)? I feel bad for that squirrel family now."
T: "No, it wasn't Anderson.  Don't feel bad, they're tearing up my lawn!"
Me: "Ugh, we're squirrel killers. Why couldn't you just shoot at it's feet and make it dance?"
T: "It's fine, they won't be coming back again."

And if you're wondering, yes Tony does work, he was home between meetings and what I can only imagine looked ridiculous in his dress clothes, a huge rifle and leaves being blown up.  I hope all of our neighbors saw him.

Thinking he was done, I was hoping the gun would go away - sadly, it's still propped up against he wall by the back door.  It was by the front door by our shoes, like it's normal to have a gun by your front door.

However, Tony wasn't done getting the squirrels.  Apparently another one was asking for it the other day - he was sitting on our fence and Tony got him. He seemed a little too excited about his shooting - saying he knocked it off the fence and it jumped up and fell back down into the pile of leaves. Ugh. And yes, he shot it from the front yard into the back....this time he was in workout clothes, so maybe a little less ghetto? No?

The bonus is that I haven't seen any squirrels in our yard lately.  However I'm thinking they are starting to plot against us and just waiting for the moment to attack. Until then, we'll be holed up in our house waiting for the squirrels. If Tony starts to sit out on the front porch rocking until they show up, someone help me. Or buy him a bright orange hat for Christmas so he can really feel like a hunter.

Hopefully we'll hit oil soon - we need to move out of squirrel zone.  Johnson County doesn't have any squirrels? Do they?


  1. Or maybe they are gone because they went into hibernation.....wait, do those rodents hibernate?? We can only hope. It only makes sense that KC, MO squirrels are ghetto, they deserve to be shot.

  2. Our squirrels ate all of our pumpkins even Jack's huge pumpkin! So tell me more about this gun and where I might purchase one...I have it with them...and I water my mums everyday so I know I didn't kill them and that it was the squirrels! I don't think even JOCO is safe!